Hello, good morning and ....... welcome!!!

Well hello, come gather one and all, for a round up of whats happening in my world today!

First up, we do of course have the steam-roller domination of Brawn GP, and one Jenson Button in F1. About time too, that the underdog team have their day. Simtek, Forti Corse, Lola and many others come to mind but most prominently Minardi. The chappies that lovely though they were failed to qualify, more often than they did qualify!

Next up, we have a round up of the news in brief:-

Abbey, Alliance and Leicester and Bradford & Bingley (savings) are all to be under one banner "Santander". This spells trouble. Thats trouble spelt COMMUNISM.

The BNP (British Nazi Bastard Party) fortunately failed to pull as many seats as they were hoping for. Unfortunately this may have been due to a poor voter turn-out, not necessarily cos Britain felt a vote of confidence elsewhere.

Gordon Brown appoints Sir Alan (you're fired) Sugar to the grandiose post of "Enterprise Tsar". A post last held by one Captain James T Kirk but never mind. So presumably being a Tsar, he will be arriving in a knackered KGB spy car, and demanding that an iron curtain be installed in his office.

Peter Mandelson is asking for folk to stop attacking the PM. In a press conference, he was reported to have broken down in tears, and begged between sobs for people to stop being "big meanys" and to just "leave him alone". (Didn't really happen that way, but would have been funny).

After the break, we have news of 16 people killed in a gunfight in Acapulco. Apparently someone went a bit loco?

Ok I'm back people.

Holy cow Batman! The FSA (Financial Services Authority) is to have the voluntary Banking Code scrapped, and have it made compulsory! This puts the customers, into a much brighter future. You will shortly be able to demand much more prompt, timely, efficient service. This will lead to banks having to pull their fingers out, to ensure they fit in with agreed time-scales. This sounds great, when you hear that failures will lead to fines for the banks. Remember though, that the bank is using your money to pay for the fines!

And now for news in your country.

ENGLAND:- A lightning bolt caught a metal pole in a Dorset campsite, somehow conducted across open earth, and set light to a load of caravans! Correct me if I'm wrong but caravans are nicely earthed by the 2 rubber tires on the bottom!

WALES:- Massive flooding in south Wales fails to lead to expected cull of welsh people. Due to modern technology everyone was rescued, said a spokesperson. An eyewitness said "I was just on my way home from the Pot Noodle mine, and I saw all this water everywhere. At first I thought that my 6 year old was having a bath again, but then I realised it was more wide-spread than even he can spread it" "Isn't it?" He added.

SCOTLAND:- The Isles of Lewis and Harris are still very much opposed to ferry crossings on a sunday, between there and the mainland.
Comhairle nan Eilean Siar (Western Isles Council) (like the gaelic?) says it goes agains't tradition. A spokeperson for Calmac Ferries was invited to comment, and was then placed in a huge wicker-man, and burned to a crisp in another of the traditional rituals they have out there!

Northern Ireland:- "Youth charged over town assault" goes the headline on BBC news! Rather sensational headline one feels, especially considering the youth only kicked the **** out of 1 person. Rather disappointing really, considering I thought he had physically beaten up a whole town! That would have been quite interesting to watch on CCTV, a 16 year old bare-knuckle fighting with a brick wall! And the surprise is he wins! Next week he's up agains't Mike Tyson. more on that later!!!!

So there you have a recent round up of national and local(ish) news. Hope you enjoyed reading this folks. There will be many more news and general interest blogs to follow, when I get round to them, so bookmark the page and check back regularly. I promise to update at least once a week if not more.

Dave Barnes