Eeeee Ratfans!!!!
Hello, good evening and welcome.
Todays tale of woe and suffering comes to you after an unfortunate trip to my local supermarket!
I currently feel that I may have post-traumatic stress disorder after this!
The scene is as follows:-
One is on his way home after a particularly nasty day at work (of all places).
One is on a packed out bus sweating like a certain recently deceased Mr Jackson in a kiddies Barney outfit.
One is looking forward to a relaxing evening.
But wait! whats this? Its vibrating. Its making funny noises. Ah yes, its a text message from beloved detailing that One must "nip into T****'S for a few items"
"Not a problem" I message back, glad of an excuse to get off said bus.
"What do we require" I add for clarity.
"Baked beans, pasta, pasta sauce, milk, bread, rolls, etc etc" beloved fires back.
"Righto, won't be long then"
Right then, earphones in, jacket in trolley, eyes down for a full house and away we go.
First up, baked beans. One heads to aisle 32 which clearly points out the way for baked beans and various tinned vegetables and other consumables. One quietly congratulates himself for being able to do this sort of thing without having to ask the staff for directions!!!
So, you will imagine my surprise to find myself facing the entire known range of Haribo sweets (inc sour cherries), Cadburyland, World of Mars and various other confectionary manufacturers delights! (Upon which 1 bag of Black Jacks, 1 bag of sour cherries and a bag of Liqourice Allsorts, promptly fell into the trolley of their own volition!!!)
I looked around bewildered in case I really had lost touch with reality. No no, the sign above clearly says "Baked Beans, Canned Tomatoes"
I asked a member of staff where the baked beans were. "Aisle 32" comes the answer. No they're bloody well not, thought I, as Bertie Bassett eyed me up suspiciously through the window of the bag!
I went for another look anyway. Well you do don't you just to get a grip on reality mind. No definitely aisle of heaven there.
I found another staff member, who didn't look like a mutant from a long lost sewer. "Baked Beans?" I enquired.
"Ah yes" comes the reply, "they've moved 3 aisles up to aisle 35".
A thank you was in order. I went up and there they were. On the shelf. Mocking me openly. Right you little buggers, you're coming with me dead or alive! I said to 3 of them.
Whats next? Pasta sauce. Head for the clearly marked aisle 18 bearing the legend "Pasta, Pasta Sauce"?
Not I! Straight to the nearest member of staff:- "Where are the jars of pasta sauce please"
"Aisle 18" comes the answer. Just up there. So Bertie and I did sally forth. Upon arriving, which took momentarily longer than anticipated, due to running the trolley over my foot while avoiding some feral child, who looked like a member of the Hitler youth, I did discover to my amazement that the lad was right! There was the little guy from Homepride sauces in all his glory, and he still looks, for all the world like a dwarfed version of Mr Ben. (cartoon character drawn in pencil not Uncle Ben who is made of rice)
And so it carries on. Finding signs. Heading to the destination aisle. Finding that what I am looking for is at the other end of the store and so on and so forth.
When I finally got to the checkout, it suddenly dawned on me just how much stuff I had picked up along the way. This was not at all stuff that I would normally buy.
And in summarisation folks, there we have it. The whole point of the exercise. The fact that the afore-mentioned supermarket has made an extra £10.00 odd more than I wanted to spend! And also, if they can do that to me, then they can do it to each customer! So the moral of the story is:- Be bloody careful not to end up losing the will to live in a supermarket. You can end up spending more than you bargained for!!!!!!!
Take care and buzzy bye for now
Dave
Hello, good evening and welcome.
Todays tale of woe and suffering comes to you after an unfortunate trip to my local supermarket!
I currently feel that I may have post-traumatic stress disorder after this!
The scene is as follows:-
One is on his way home after a particularly nasty day at work (of all places).
One is on a packed out bus sweating like a certain recently deceased Mr Jackson in a kiddies Barney outfit.
One is looking forward to a relaxing evening.
But wait! whats this? Its vibrating. Its making funny noises. Ah yes, its a text message from beloved detailing that One must "nip into T****'S for a few items"
"Not a problem" I message back, glad of an excuse to get off said bus.
"What do we require" I add for clarity.
"Baked beans, pasta, pasta sauce, milk, bread, rolls, etc etc" beloved fires back.
"Righto, won't be long then"
Right then, earphones in, jacket in trolley, eyes down for a full house and away we go.
First up, baked beans. One heads to aisle 32 which clearly points out the way for baked beans and various tinned vegetables and other consumables. One quietly congratulates himself for being able to do this sort of thing without having to ask the staff for directions!!!
So, you will imagine my surprise to find myself facing the entire known range of Haribo sweets (inc sour cherries), Cadburyland, World of Mars and various other confectionary manufacturers delights! (Upon which 1 bag of Black Jacks, 1 bag of sour cherries and a bag of Liqourice Allsorts, promptly fell into the trolley of their own volition!!!)
I looked around bewildered in case I really had lost touch with reality. No no, the sign above clearly says "Baked Beans, Canned Tomatoes"
I asked a member of staff where the baked beans were. "Aisle 32" comes the answer. No they're bloody well not, thought I, as Bertie Bassett eyed me up suspiciously through the window of the bag!
I went for another look anyway. Well you do don't you just to get a grip on reality mind. No definitely aisle of heaven there.
I found another staff member, who didn't look like a mutant from a long lost sewer. "Baked Beans?" I enquired.
"Ah yes" comes the reply, "they've moved 3 aisles up to aisle 35".
A thank you was in order. I went up and there they were. On the shelf. Mocking me openly. Right you little buggers, you're coming with me dead or alive! I said to 3 of them.
Whats next? Pasta sauce. Head for the clearly marked aisle 18 bearing the legend "Pasta, Pasta Sauce"?
Not I! Straight to the nearest member of staff:- "Where are the jars of pasta sauce please"
"Aisle 18" comes the answer. Just up there. So Bertie and I did sally forth. Upon arriving, which took momentarily longer than anticipated, due to running the trolley over my foot while avoiding some feral child, who looked like a member of the Hitler youth, I did discover to my amazement that the lad was right! There was the little guy from Homepride sauces in all his glory, and he still looks, for all the world like a dwarfed version of Mr Ben. (cartoon character drawn in pencil not Uncle Ben who is made of rice)
And so it carries on. Finding signs. Heading to the destination aisle. Finding that what I am looking for is at the other end of the store and so on and so forth.
When I finally got to the checkout, it suddenly dawned on me just how much stuff I had picked up along the way. This was not at all stuff that I would normally buy.
And in summarisation folks, there we have it. The whole point of the exercise. The fact that the afore-mentioned supermarket has made an extra £10.00 odd more than I wanted to spend! And also, if they can do that to me, then they can do it to each customer! So the moral of the story is:- Be bloody careful not to end up losing the will to live in a supermarket. You can end up spending more than you bargained for!!!!!!!
Take care and buzzy bye for now
Dave
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